Struggling Through This Journey

I took a break from this blog for a few reasons.....

First, my husband and I went on vacation.... we took a road trip! We headed up the California coast - the sights were beautiful and it was nice to just be with each other. Of course our infertility is something we discuss often and it never goes away. We enjoyed 8 blissful days of vacation and though we did "treatment" while on vacation, it was easy - just taking pills. I was very hopeful that the relaxation month would leave to a BFP - BIG FAT POSITIVE, however, our wishes didn't come true that month.

Second, my husband wasn't all that thrilled that I was "airing" my business to others. Typically men are less open than woman and they have a hard time expressing their feelings anyway. He doesn't like to ask for help, and I think part of that is being the man of the house. BUT this extremely hard - and the blogging if nothing else helps me get my feelings out.

So where are we now? So we continued on our journey and choose to take a bit more aggressive approach - but still fairly minimal. We moved to a combo pills/shots. The pills are easy breezy, but the shots were a bit difficult to handle. More uncomfortable than anything else. My body had a slight reaction and so I had patches of red all over my belly. They also make you feel bloated and sometimes tired. But I would do it again and more to be a mother! Once again we got up at 3:00 a.m. and did our trigger shot and were ready for our insemination. Thinking positive thoughts the whole time. I even decided to try acupuncture and took the rest of the day off work. Then we had the two week wait.... which just ended....

4th cycle done .... and I'm struggling......My results came back and it was negative again. I was so positive it would be positive this month! I was having backaches, fatigue and just felt "different". Of course it was wishful thinking and likely just psychosomatic. But I really thought it would be positive and was devastated again - and this time I heard it from the nurse (who was very supportive). One thing that she said that hit home, these infertility patients, it is the persistence that pays off. There are so many times I feel I'm being tested, and I feel that I am passing these tests. God wants to see what type of parents we'll be, how will we handle struggles and I think we are passing the test.

So here we are.... still on our journey.... where do we go from here?