Who knew how difficult it would be to hold your bladder? I mean of course we've all been there done that..... too much water (or other liquid substance) and then no bathroom. You cross your legs, and try to imagine yourself somewhere else.
Well that was me this past week, only it was a forced event. I had to drink 32 ounces of water in 30 minutes, then hold it until I went in for a doctor appointment 1 hour later. At first I thought it was easy, until I got out of the car and started walking. Oh yeah.... all that moving around.... I needed to go! But I couldn't! I checked in for my appointment and sat down in the waiting room. Now mind you I was only crazy lady in there - it was 7:30 a.m. on a Saturday! The technician came to get me and took me into the ultrasound room. He asked me to lay down and tuck a towel in my jeans. He proceeded to take out a probe and push down HARD on my belly. Oh My!!! Is he really doing this? Surely he knows I have a full bladder!?!? He continued to move this probe all around my belly, pushing down. I must've had a look on my face becasue he said "I'm sorry, this part is almost over and then you can go to the bathroom."
Whew! After about 10 minutes of this I was able to empty my bladder. But then came another probe - and another 20 minutes of looking around, which was all fine and dandy until about minute 16.... at which point I needed to do to the bathroom again! Oh My! He better hurry this up or I'm going to pee on this table.
But I'm happy to report I was able to make it through. Now I wait for the results......
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
Thursday, August 18, 2011
Next Steps
So after taking some time after our last procedures to get healthy as well as to energize ourselves, we sit here wondering if it's time to try again. This journey of infertility is a rollercoaster - as I've said many times before I LOVE rollercoasters, but not this one. I'm so ready to be on steady ground and put this journey behind us.
As I said in my last post, we made some changes in our lifestyle. We made a few and they were easy to do and we enjoyed them so we decided to take it another step further. We also started seeing a Naturopath who saw a few levels that were low (i.e. Vitamin D, B-12, etc.) so we are on some supplements. It is quite funny to watch me fill our pill containers each Sunday night. We have the "dual" container where you have a.m. and p.m. pills. I swear you would think we were 85 years old. We each take about 6-12 pills per day. I also thought it would be good for my body to be "off" medications for a few months. I was a bit scared that we don't really know what the medications do to us in the long term, but I was recently told that is not true. There was a study done with over 45,000 woman over 30 years which showed the medications are some of the safest on the market. That did make me feel alittle better - although all the while still wondering, was the study properly conducted? What if they just missed something? But I try not to let my mind go there :)
And through this all we continue to try. I have the ovulation kit, it's even the special one where dummies, ME :), can read it. Each month I just pray that we are able to conceive naturally so there is no further procedures and we can finally get off the rollercoaster. But each month so far, I'm reminded how stubborn and difficult this "disease" can be. And so here we sit - 6 months after taking some time to re-energize and become healthier and it's still an uphill battle for us.
My body is telling me the time has come to start thinking of next steps. Of course that overwhelms me a bit but my brain is turning and my body is willing.....
So.... what will we do?
As I said in my last post, we made some changes in our lifestyle. We made a few and they were easy to do and we enjoyed them so we decided to take it another step further. We also started seeing a Naturopath who saw a few levels that were low (i.e. Vitamin D, B-12, etc.) so we are on some supplements. It is quite funny to watch me fill our pill containers each Sunday night. We have the "dual" container where you have a.m. and p.m. pills. I swear you would think we were 85 years old. We each take about 6-12 pills per day. I also thought it would be good for my body to be "off" medications for a few months. I was a bit scared that we don't really know what the medications do to us in the long term, but I was recently told that is not true. There was a study done with over 45,000 woman over 30 years which showed the medications are some of the safest on the market. That did make me feel alittle better - although all the while still wondering, was the study properly conducted? What if they just missed something? But I try not to let my mind go there :)
And through this all we continue to try. I have the ovulation kit, it's even the special one where dummies, ME :), can read it. Each month I just pray that we are able to conceive naturally so there is no further procedures and we can finally get off the rollercoaster. But each month so far, I'm reminded how stubborn and difficult this "disease" can be. And so here we sit - 6 months after taking some time to re-energize and become healthier and it's still an uphill battle for us.
My body is telling me the time has come to start thinking of next steps. Of course that overwhelms me a bit but my brain is turning and my body is willing.....
So.... what will we do?
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
Time to Get Healthy
So J and I have taken these last 6 weeks since getting our BFN to reflect on the journey. We also decided to take some steps to improve our quality of life. The journey of infertility can be long and very stressful. It can make things very "dry" and often takes the "life" out of things. We decided it was time for us to take some time for ourselves and really focus on us. Of course we still want nothing more than to be parents - but we also want to be the best parents we can be and that meant making a few changes.
Changes.... they are everywhere!
I read a book "Inconceviable" which is about a woman who sturggles with secondary infertility. The book is well written and talks about this woman's journey about finding answers about her own body. She was taking "no" for an answer. She was going to be a mom again and she sought out alot of help (some traditional and others not so tradtional). One thing that she talked about which I'd been hearing alot lately too was switching to an Organic diet. I thought - this a change we can make. So our diet became a mostly Organic diet. Orangic veggies, meat, fruit, and milk whenever we could. I do believe that our society is putting way too many "things" into our food, most of which aren't very healthy for us, regardless if you are trying to conceive or not. The funny thing - my food really seems to taste better to me! The only bummer is that Organic is more expensive and many items can be difficult to find. We've enjoyed cooking at home and we cannot remember the last time we ate out. There are some funny things in the book too - doing jumping jacks, having red sheets, alternating hot and cold water while in the shower, and doing wheat grass shots. Figure these can't hurt anything so we've been doing them too!
Exercise was another much needed change. Being a former gymnast and cheerleader, I'm fairly fit, but not nearly as flexible or athletic as I use to be. I started hitting the gym 5-6 times a week. I got into a routine of 2 yoga classes, 2 hip-hop classes and a Pilates class. J and I also started doing Yoga at home (since he won't come to the gym with me to do it since he says he doesn't know what he is doing). I'm super proud of him for trying and see his improvements everyday. We've also started walking 3-4 times a week. On the weekends we try and hit somewhere fun (beach, Torrey Pines, Harbor Island) and festive and during the week we just walk around the neighborhood. It's a nice time for conversation, breathing in fresh air and getting our blood circulating.
These last 6 weeks of reflection have been a welcome relief to both of us. I'm happy with the changes we've made and look forward to what the future has in store for us.
I said "If nothing else I will be healthy!"
Changes.... they are everywhere!
I read a book "Inconceviable" which is about a woman who sturggles with secondary infertility. The book is well written and talks about this woman's journey about finding answers about her own body. She was taking "no" for an answer. She was going to be a mom again and she sought out alot of help (some traditional and others not so tradtional). One thing that she talked about which I'd been hearing alot lately too was switching to an Organic diet. I thought - this a change we can make. So our diet became a mostly Organic diet. Orangic veggies, meat, fruit, and milk whenever we could. I do believe that our society is putting way too many "things" into our food, most of which aren't very healthy for us, regardless if you are trying to conceive or not. The funny thing - my food really seems to taste better to me! The only bummer is that Organic is more expensive and many items can be difficult to find. We've enjoyed cooking at home and we cannot remember the last time we ate out. There are some funny things in the book too - doing jumping jacks, having red sheets, alternating hot and cold water while in the shower, and doing wheat grass shots. Figure these can't hurt anything so we've been doing them too!
Exercise was another much needed change. Being a former gymnast and cheerleader, I'm fairly fit, but not nearly as flexible or athletic as I use to be. I started hitting the gym 5-6 times a week. I got into a routine of 2 yoga classes, 2 hip-hop classes and a Pilates class. J and I also started doing Yoga at home (since he won't come to the gym with me to do it since he says he doesn't know what he is doing). I'm super proud of him for trying and see his improvements everyday. We've also started walking 3-4 times a week. On the weekends we try and hit somewhere fun (beach, Torrey Pines, Harbor Island) and festive and during the week we just walk around the neighborhood. It's a nice time for conversation, breathing in fresh air and getting our blood circulating.
These last 6 weeks of reflection have been a welcome relief to both of us. I'm happy with the changes we've made and look forward to what the future has in store for us.
I said "If nothing else I will be healthy!"
Saturday, January 1, 2011
Here Comes 2011
Happy New Year! I cannot believe it is 2011. As I sat at home last night I reflected back on the past year. It was a difficult one all around.
First, my uncle-in-law had triple by-pass surgery and while they were performing the surgery they realized his heart was only pumping at 5%. The doctor told my aunt-in-law to say her prayers. Thank goodness God didn't think it was time for him to go. He made a full recovery and is doing very well.
Next, my life changing experience. As I've posted her, we lost our baby in May 2010 - after it was determined that I had a tubal pregnancy that ruptured. The blessing was that I was in great hands during the surgery and they were able to keep my ovary. It was also a blessing that I was able to recover (at least physically) quickly.
Finally, in August my mom became very ill. A routine surgery (gallbladder removal) turned into so much more. She is a feisty woman and appeared to come out of the surgery well. The surgeon said her gallbladder was pretty inflamed (which is why the surgery took a bit longer than expected) but he didn't anticipate any issues. We went home about 9 hours later, only to end up back in the ER less than 24 hours later. Long story short - she was admitted to the hospital and after a few days it was discovered she had pnemonia and the words that scared me to death - congestive heart failure! She was in the hospital for 10 days and I stayed in her room 6 of those nights. She was on a BiPap machine and I was very afraid of the prognosis. However, I did feel that she was in good hands and was optimistic that she would make a full recovery. She is doing much better - however, we are still dealing with high liver function tests, which they feel is because she has two gallstones that snuck out and haven't passed on their own.
So here we are... 2011.... blood tests this morning were devastating to both myself and my mom. She still have high liver function results.... and we aren't pregnant :-(
I know that everyone has struggles and you can either give up or move forward. I'm hopeful that this year will bring health and happiness to all around me. It's been such a struggle and at times I find myself in tears and there is nothing anyone can say to me to take the pain away. I am a fighter and am not ready to give up on OUR journey. I know at some point I will need to give-up - but that really isn't in my nature. I ask God everyday to watch over me and help me become the mom that I've always want to be. I know I've shown my determination and I KNOW that we will be the best parents :-)
This first day of 2011 wasn't a good one - but I still optimistic that 2011 will bring me my wish!
God - I know you are there listening and watching over me
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