The BEST: After the few days of disappointment I was pleasantly surprised to see my test results that showed an actual number. Oh My.... I looked at my husband and said "Honey, I think we are pregnant!" Tears came to both of our eyes but we weren't exactly sure what the numbers meant - only that I'd never seen a number before. We left to spend the weekend up in Santa Monica visiting his mom and dad. It was a nice weekend and so surreal to be walking around with the recent results we had. Of course we knew there would be more blood tests to confirm the pregnancy and that we wouldn't be out of the woods yet - so we kept the news to ourselves. But all the while basking in it ourselves :-) We did 2 more blood tests all which showed positive numbers. The doctor was pleased and scheduled a date for an ultrasound to see the heartbeat. That brought music to our ears! Since my sister would be in town that weekend and we've passed the initial tests, we told my mom on Friday evening and then my sister on Saturday morning. Our course there wasn't a dry eye in the house. It was more than I ever expected!
The WORST: Monday afternoon/evening all our hopes and dreams came crashing down. After a nice weekend with my sister we had lunch Monday and I dropped her off at the airport. Then I headed into work. After 3:00 I started having some stomach pains. I thought I had gas. Then I got sick (three times). I thought oh no - here comes the morning (or all day) sickness. But I would take that morning sickness over and over again to be blessed with a little one. However, the pain didn't go away. I called my husband and told him that he needed to come pick me up. I called the doctor to get an appointment at Urgent Care but because I was pregnant they said I needed to go directly to the ER. So off to the ER we went. Upon arrival the pain was getting worse - I was doubled over and crying. They quickly took me in to take my vitals and got me into a room hooked up to an IV. They gave me some pain medication - I was so scared because they said I would be getting morphine - I said I'm pregnant and they said "Yes, narcotics are okay during pregnancy." But it sounded so scary to me. I had a urine culture, multiple blood draws, a pelvic exam and an ultrasound. Then came the news that crushed us. There was no sign of a pregnancy in the uterus - I had a tubal pregnancy. Then came the scary news - it was large with a good chance of rupturing which would put my life in danger. I would need immediate surgery. Tears were streaming down my face. We'd tried so hard - our persistence finally paid off and now we were going to lose our baby :-( It was so traumatic and scary at the same time. Of course there was no choice. My health was in jeopardy. So off to the Operating Room I went. The good news was that the surgery went well and they were able to go in laparoscopy (less invasively) but the bad news was that I lost a fallopian tube. The tubal was large in size and it was the doctor's opinion that I would be better off having the tube removed so that there wasn't a damaged tube with scar tissue with a chance of having another tubal. They are the doctor's and should know best so I trusted his decision. Recovery was a few hours and then I was sent home. I've been home not quite a week yet and physically I'm healing well - I haven't yet looked at the surgery site. Emotionally is harder and I know it will take time. There are times when I can't do anything and feel so helpless and sad.
I don't yet know what the future will hold for us. I hope and pray that God will bring us another pregnancy and the birth of our first child. The doctor's when I asked before and after surgery seemed optimistic which brought me hope. I'll see both my OB and my fertility doctor in the next few weeks and get some more questions answered.
As my husband said "We did it. We were able to get pregnant." This is true and I'm hoping now that my body has done it once it knows now what it should do. Maybe only having one tube will be more efficient - only one way up and down. And this time - the egg cannot stop at that imaginary stop sign.
It is truly amazing how this whole process (and surgery scare) has brought my husband and I closer. The bond between us is more amazing than ever. I'm also blessed with supportive family and friends. Each saying this is just a bump in the road (feels like a big ditch to me) and that we'll get past it, look back on it once we have our little ones and just think - We made it.
My husbands words.... No one can stop us now :-)
