Ready? No

You would think that after all the poking and prodding I've been through the last few months that a doctor visit wouldn't be scary anymore. Wrong! I had an appointment at 9:00 a.m. and was excited, nervous, scared and sad all at the same time.

The doctor was running late so I had to wait in the waiting room alittle longer than normal. I saw many couples waiting and thought to myself - wow this truly is a widespread problem, much more so than I would've ever know!

The nurse finally called me in and took me to my room. As I was walking in front of her she gently put her hand on my back and said "I am sorry." I'm sure it is hard for them to break the news to people each month that they aren't pregnant. But then I'm sure they are so happy to be able to finally say "You're pregnant!" My hope is that day will soon come for us. I will be persistent and do what I can to make this work. Of course through it all we unfortunately may be limited by money. All we can do is continue on this journey and see where it takes us.

My doctor came in and shook my hand as he always does. I playfully said "It's me again. I'm back." I have to be a bit light in our circumstances or I would drive myself insane. He then told me "I have it all planned out. This is going to be the month and all your future visits are going to be cancelled." Of course that brought a huge smile to my face, even though I knew he was just trying to be nice. The matter is a bit out of his hands. I said "Well you won't hear any complaints from me. That would be the greatest gift for me!"

So onto the exam as we do each month. Once again a nervous feeling came over me. Though I know the procedures and feel comfortable with the staff there is still that unknown feeling. And unfortunately this month I was also given some news that I had never heard before :-( As he was looking to see how my ovaries looked, he said "Well this is why you must always come in for a baseline. You see this here. You have a cyst in your ovary." Of course I was scared at his first remark. However, he then proceeded to tell me that the cysts themselves aren't worrisome. Many people get them each month, but because they aren't being monitored closely like myself they never even know they have them. However, there was so bad news. This month will be an "off" month. We cannot do any treatment. We must wait and pray that the cysts resolve on their own this month.

I left feeling defeated. Got to work and have been submerging myself in it to not think about it.

I'm taking my mom to Kooza (Cirque Du Soleil) tonight and am looking forward to the distraction if only for a night!